Listen. Do You Want to Know a Secret?

40 Secrets about yourself.
Be honest no matter what.

[one] Have you ever been asked out?
Well...not really.

[two] Where was your default picture taken?
At the championship game for the Missouri Valley Conference. Go Shockers!

[three] What's your middle name?
Renae.

[four] Your current relationship status?
Tragically, tragically single.


[five] Does your crush like you back?
I can only hope.

[six] What is your current mood?
Pretty good, actually. Just downloaded some awesome songs, so...

[seven] What color of underwear are you wearing?
Blue and green.

[eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
Violently purple.

[nine] Missing something/someone?
Always. But on my mind right now are Tristan and Kalon.

[ten] If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
I would have given in. Probably.

[eleven] If you must be an animal for one day, what?
Hmmmmm. A tiger. Those are badass.

[twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
Yes, once. When I was a little girl. I choked on a piece of bacon.

[thirteen] Something you do a lot?
Sway. Seriously. I'm never standing still.

[fourteen] The song stuck in your head?
"Make Me Happy" from The Wild Party. But, when do I not have that song stuck in my head?

[fifteen] Who did you copy and paste this from?
Kalon Steinaway.

[sixteen] Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Fiona Apple. Also, Bella Swan. Even the same year. :/

[seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
Um, a couple of weeks ago.

[eighteen] Have you ever performed in front of a large audience?
Yes. I live for it.

[nineteen] If you could have one super power what would it be?
SHAPESHIFTING!!!!! And I don't just want the ability to turn into other things--I also want the ability to change my appearance and, like, grow extra arms and stuff. God, I love when people ask me this question.

[twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Smile or style.

[twenty-one] What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Venti iced green tea lemonade with sweetener.

[twenty-three] Favorite color?
Green. Like, really bright green.

[twenty-four] Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
Ha! Yeah, ask me about Big Time Rush.

[twenty-six] What are you?
That's vague. Human, happy, female, awesome. What else do you need to know?

[twenty-seven] Do you speak any other language?
I'm not fluent or anything, but I'm pretty good at French. And I realized that I know an astonishing amount of Latin. Thanks, choir.

[twenty-eight] What's your favorite smell?
Rain. Play-doh (Don't ask).

[twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word.
Ridicusome.

[thirty-one] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
No. And I never will because some cliches make me gag.

[thirty-two] What are you thinking about right now?
Blueberry pie, strangely enough.

[thirty-three] What should you be doing?
Getting to sleep at a decent hour.

[thirty-four] Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
A customer.

[thirty-five] How often do you talk to God?
Every couple of days or so.

[thirty-six] Do you like working in the yard?
No. I'm not exactly a big fan of Nature.

[thirty-seven] If you could have any name in the world, what would you want?
Molly Roxanne. What? I think it's pretty.

[thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Not really. I'm a little bit funnier.

[thirty-nine] What is your natural hair color?
Who knows any more? Dark blonde?

[forty] Who was the last person to make you cry?
My voice coach. She's tough on me, but I appreciate it.

The Night is Better When it's Spent With Friends

Take this as proof that I had a good night. I'll explain more later.

This is Why I'll Never Own a Robot

There are times when I really just hate technology. Why, you ask? Let me tell you about my evening.

It's a well-known fact that I live for music. Seriously, the only time I don't have my mp3 player on me is when I'm in the shower. Even then it's playing over the speakers.

Well, earlier this evening, I decided that I wanted to put some new songs on the stupid thing. Apparently, that was a big mistake. The entire thing froze up! So, I reset my mp3 player and tried it again. The same thing happened! So I tried again. And again. And again.

I've never claimed to be some kind of computer genius, and I'm not going to start now. There may be many solutions to the particular problem I was having, but I only knew of one. The only thing to do was to delete all of my music from my mp3 player. Now, I'm not completely stupid--I had to delete it, but I didn't want to lose any songs. After going through and double-checking that all of the albums were also in my music library on my computer, I hit the button. Delete.

Since I re-formatted my mp3 player, I had to redo all of the settings I had for how it syncs when I hook it up to my computer. That was fun. Then to the best part.

I am all for conserving space in my mp3 player, so I usually don't put a whole album on it. I'll have the whole album in my music library, but not my player. Because I'm a stickler about this--really. I get kinda obsessive--I had to go through each individual song in my library and put it in the sync list.

I finished that part about an hour ago. I clicked that "Start Sync" button and I waited. And waited. And I'm still waiting. As we speak, it's only about 75% complete. I really hope this works because I'd hate to go through all this work for nothing. Also, because if it doesn't, then I'm out of solutions. Except buy a new player. Which just isn't going to (can't) happen.

I hate technology.

If I ever have to do this again, I'm going to throw something.

On an unrelated note: I have on these fake fingernails and damn, it's hard to type.

Dream a Little Dream

So, I might have had a certain dream the other night. One of those dreams where you can't be positive of what happened, but can vaguely remember parts of it.

What I do remember is me hooking up with my acting professor. Now, that's weird enough. What makes it really strange is that he wasn't really my professor. He was more like a mix of every teacher I've ever had a crush on. Crushes that go back to middle school. Seriously, the man in my dream had every attribute that I found attractive in each man. He was a conglomeration of their best features. T's sensitivity, V's sense of humor, S's douchebaggy charm, and J's looks.

Instead of being really creeped out, I realized it was a really great dream. Call it daddy issues or whatever, but I've always kind of had a thing for men that are in a position of authority--particularly a position of authority over me. It makes me feel, I don't know...safe.

There's nothing wrong with feeling safe, is there?

However, there is something wrong with how awkward I made my acting class this morning. Whoops!

Also, I forgot my phone at home this morning for the umpteenth time. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me that I'm avoiding my responsibilities. Which could very well be true.

Note to self: stop listening to subconscious and stop being so forgetful.

There's Not a Better Time to Do Nothing Than Now

So, I've been on this really intense Kings of Leon kick lately. Does anybody else do that? Own a cd for a while, but not really listen to it? Then you finally listen to it and BAM! it's life changing? I love when that happens.

Spent yesterday evening with Kayla. We had a great time, watching VH1 and Demetri Martin. Also, we watched the Princess and the Frog. God, I've missed Disney. Like, classic Disney. It really kind of took me back to my childhood. It was a nice little trip down memory lane.

This morning, I decided to skip the work day for Urinetown. I woke up with a migraine, and I just didn't think I could handle it. I felt a little guilty, but I had a nice relaxing day instead. I slept in and got some grocery shopping down. I'm thinking about working on some of my homework, but it's so nice out, and I'm having such a good time doing nothing...

Today has been a really good day.

This is the First Time for the Last Time

I realized today that I'm a happier, more organized person when I can keep track of my thoughts and what is going on in my life. I used to write in a blog pretty consistently when I first found Myspace, but I haven't even seen it since I graduated from high school. Time to try again.

There something dreadful about being a junior. I'm not sure what it is, exactly. It could be a mixture of the feelings of fear and excitement from being thisclose to graduating. It could be the feeling of independence given to you by the professors undermined by their distrust in you. Or it could be that I'm just ready to be done, but I know I still have a year left. Let's be honest, it's probably that last one.

It's just been a weird year. First of all, I've never been so simultaneously proud and ashamed of my talent. My singing has improved so much, but will I ever actually be good enough? For my professors, for my directors, for my family, for myself? Does it ever get easier to believe in yourself?

I wish I was as good a singer as I am an actor. I just feel so much more comfortable acting than singing. Especially when I'm doing comedy. I'm not sure why, but it just comes easy to me. And I love it. So fucking much. There's a reason why my favorite days of the week coincide with my improv acting class. When I'm there, I'm not worried about what my fellow actors think of me, but when I'm singing in front of my peers... Well, I freeze.

That's the thing: I know I'm not a bad singer. It's just that I can't get out of my own head when I'm up in front of the class. Instead of thinking about what I'm saying, I'm worrying about how I sound. It's so much easier to sing when I'm in the middle of a scene. When I'm doing that (when I'm distracted by my scene partner), it's more like the song is an emphasis on the acting and not the other way around.

But I guess being a performer isn't meant to be easy, is it?

Okay, now that I've got that off my chest, I feel a billion times better.

I promise, not every blog is going to be me agonizing over whether I've got what it takes or not. That's just been eating at me for a while, and it finally made it's way to the surface.

Here, have a present to cheer you up after reading that.

theoatmeal.com

This is my new favorite. Hilarious!