A while back, I was in my college's production of Twelfth Night. Now, this was great fun and I made lots of new friends. And one of these friends I grew particularly fond of. His name is Damian.
On a regular basis, Damian would tell me that my taste in music sucked (he's a Kanye fan, so I don't put a lot of stock in his opinoin of good music) and that he was going to show me what real music was. One of the many bands he talked about over and over was this British band called Mumford and Sons.
Everyday, he would ask me if I had listened to them yet, and everyday I would have to go "Um, no. It's not really my top priority right now." Finally, he must've gotten sick of waiting. One day he told me to bring my computer to rehearsal. The plan was that he would bring a flash drive with Mumford and Sons on it and I could finally hear them.
That night in rehearsal, I opened my laptop and called for the flash drive. Damian told me to just copy the music folder to my music folder. I said "Okay" and hit copy. The next thing I know, there is a dialogue box popping up, asking me if I'm sure that I want to copy 256 songs to my music library.
"256 songs? Damian?! I thought this was Mumford and Sons!"
"Yeah, that's how it started out, but I was going through my library and I kept coming across songs that I thought you would like. And I put in some that I hope you'll like."
"Aw, thanks. That's actually really sweet."
And thus was born the longest, most awkward mixtape of all time. Thank you, technology.
Also, I think my music library is evenly split between songs that Damian told me about and songs that Tristan told me about.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
And Now For Something Completely Different (The Adventure of the Treadmill)
The other day I spent maybe an hour telling a friend of mine about the awkward/funny/just plain weird things I tend to do on a daily basis. She had the bright idea of recording all of these things on the Internet, so that other people can share in my humiliation/awkwardness and then laugh at me.
I promptly told her that she was a terrible friend.
But then I started to think about it.
"I tell all these stories to the people I work with and hang out with, why shouldn't the rest of the world know? I have this awesome blog that I haven't been using very much. I like when people laugh. Aw, hell. I'll do it."
So, welcome, everyone to "Staci's Collection of Stuff that Happens to Her on a Semi-Regular Basis, But People Enjoy Hearing About It Anyway."
I should probably come up with a better title.
From now on, I'll relate to you guys the things that I do that either embarrass me, make me seem awesome, or that don't make sense at all.
I'll start you out with a classic:
"The Adventure of the Treadmill"
One day, I got the notion in my head that I wanted to work out. Looking back, that should probably have been a warning sign. See, exercise and I don't...get along. At all.
But, anyway, here I was on campus, wandering around the Heskett Center looking for a way to exercise that wouldn't make me look like a complete idiot. After all, the gym was full of beautiful/buff men getting their workouts on. Have to look good for the gentlemen, right?
I figured that the treadmill would be harmless. Ha!
Now, I do know how to walk. I feel like I should point that out. I can walk, run, and sometimes even skip. Okay? I can walk. It's just that sometimes I want to test gravity by falling over. ("Gravity's still working, guys!")
So, I was jogging on this treadmill, feeling the rhythm, rocking out to Glee on my music player when I felt my feet start to mutiny against me. My right foot had decided that we were going to have some fun.
I looked down and saw my toe catch on my other foot. "Oh, shi--"
Thanks to time moving in slow motion, I was able to grab the handrails on the machine before face planting completely. I grabbed those handrails and held on for dear life. I'm still not sure that this was a good idea.
Let me give you a visual here. I've got my arms spread wide, desparately gripping the rails on either side of the machine, I've got my legs being dragged back behind me by the still moving runner, my knees are touching the moving nylon (giving me a wicked rugburn), and my head is thrown back in a silent scream. So much for looking cool.
I decided that I would use my grip on the handrails to pull myself back up, get myself righted on my feet, and just continue running like nothing had happened. Of all the thoughts that were flying through my head, I don't know why I fixated on that one. I mean, I can't even do a chin-up with nothing pulling on my feet, how am I supposed to pull myself back up while being dragged?
Needless to say, that plan failed. I don't think I pulled myself back up at all. I had officially run out of ideas. The only thing left to do was accept my fate. I said a quick prayer, let my arms go slack, and let the runner pull me back as far as it could. Then...
I let go.
I'm not sure what I thought would happen, but it must've involved defying the laws of physics. Which is impossible. Anyway, I certainly wasn't ready for what happened next. What is Newton's first law of motion?
"An object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force."
Let me tell you, nothing acts as a better outside force than the treadmill behind the one I had been on.
As I lay curled up at the base of the machine behind me, I laughed at the situation. It was completely ridiculous and I probably looked like a cartoon character during the whole fiasco. But I also let out a few tears. First because, OW! And second because out of a whole room of people who saw my act, only the girl who was on the machine I hit took the time to look down and say "Ya alright?" She never even stopped running.
I'm not sure what lesson I was supposed to learn from this, but I'm going to say it was:
"Don't exercise."
I promptly told her that she was a terrible friend.
But then I started to think about it.
"I tell all these stories to the people I work with and hang out with, why shouldn't the rest of the world know? I have this awesome blog that I haven't been using very much. I like when people laugh. Aw, hell. I'll do it."
So, welcome, everyone to "Staci's Collection of Stuff that Happens to Her on a Semi-Regular Basis, But People Enjoy Hearing About It Anyway."
I should probably come up with a better title.
From now on, I'll relate to you guys the things that I do that either embarrass me, make me seem awesome, or that don't make sense at all.
I'll start you out with a classic:
"The Adventure of the Treadmill"
One day, I got the notion in my head that I wanted to work out. Looking back, that should probably have been a warning sign. See, exercise and I don't...get along. At all.
But, anyway, here I was on campus, wandering around the Heskett Center looking for a way to exercise that wouldn't make me look like a complete idiot. After all, the gym was full of beautiful/buff men getting their workouts on. Have to look good for the gentlemen, right?
I figured that the treadmill would be harmless. Ha!
Now, I do know how to walk. I feel like I should point that out. I can walk, run, and sometimes even skip. Okay? I can walk. It's just that sometimes I want to test gravity by falling over. ("Gravity's still working, guys!")
So, I was jogging on this treadmill, feeling the rhythm, rocking out to Glee on my music player when I felt my feet start to mutiny against me. My right foot had decided that we were going to have some fun.
I looked down and saw my toe catch on my other foot. "Oh, shi--"
Thanks to time moving in slow motion, I was able to grab the handrails on the machine before face planting completely. I grabbed those handrails and held on for dear life. I'm still not sure that this was a good idea.
Let me give you a visual here. I've got my arms spread wide, desparately gripping the rails on either side of the machine, I've got my legs being dragged back behind me by the still moving runner, my knees are touching the moving nylon (giving me a wicked rugburn), and my head is thrown back in a silent scream. So much for looking cool.
I decided that I would use my grip on the handrails to pull myself back up, get myself righted on my feet, and just continue running like nothing had happened. Of all the thoughts that were flying through my head, I don't know why I fixated on that one. I mean, I can't even do a chin-up with nothing pulling on my feet, how am I supposed to pull myself back up while being dragged?
Needless to say, that plan failed. I don't think I pulled myself back up at all. I had officially run out of ideas. The only thing left to do was accept my fate. I said a quick prayer, let my arms go slack, and let the runner pull me back as far as it could. Then...
I let go.
I'm not sure what I thought would happen, but it must've involved defying the laws of physics. Which is impossible. Anyway, I certainly wasn't ready for what happened next. What is Newton's first law of motion?
"An object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force."
Let me tell you, nothing acts as a better outside force than the treadmill behind the one I had been on.
As I lay curled up at the base of the machine behind me, I laughed at the situation. It was completely ridiculous and I probably looked like a cartoon character during the whole fiasco. But I also let out a few tears. First because, OW! And second because out of a whole room of people who saw my act, only the girl who was on the machine I hit took the time to look down and say "Ya alright?" She never even stopped running.
I'm not sure what lesson I was supposed to learn from this, but I'm going to say it was:
"Don't exercise."
Monday, May 10, 2010
The Feeling of Something Coming
I sit by the window in my bedroom, listening to records and waiting for the rain.
There is something terrifying about a thunderstorm. Especially right before it starts. I hear the news reports--the baseball-sized hail, the 100mph wind, the flooding. I help my mom gather up candles and flashlights, crackers and water, blankets and shoes (just in case.) I make sure there is a clear path to the storm shelter while she brings in the dog. I take a deep breath because I've been dealing with storms for 21 years and it still gets to me. Still makes my heart beat faster.
Still, it can be so beautiful. The clouds above our heads swirl together, creating patterns that change as often as I blink. The sky is shades of grey and brown and green and the colors of the grass and the trees and even the asphalt seem to be so much more vivid and real. It gets darker outside and the streetlights come on early, giving the neighborhood an unusual, almost supernatural glow. The wind picks up and the trees sway and bend--a dance of foreboding. I look at the trees and understand that something is coming.
I open the window so that I can hear and smell the storm as well as see it. A gust of wind blows in, rustling the papers on my desk and bringing in the smell of rain about to fall. I shiver in the cool air, thinking about earlier when the sun was shining and I was sweating in the heat. The smell permeates my room, making everything smell fresh and clean. The world smells like it is getting ready to start over. Right now, thunder is rumbling in the distance, loud even over the music I've got playing. My record stops and in the sudden silence I realize that I can hear tornado sirens. It reminds me that even though it may not be storming here quite yet, somewhere out there the storm is showing it's power and possibly gathering strength. I feel a thrill.
I lay back on my bed and close my eyes. My heart is beating and there is a smile on my face as I lay still, hearing the first drops of rain begin to pound on the roof.
There is something terrifying about a thunderstorm. Especially right before it starts. I hear the news reports--the baseball-sized hail, the 100mph wind, the flooding. I help my mom gather up candles and flashlights, crackers and water, blankets and shoes (just in case.) I make sure there is a clear path to the storm shelter while she brings in the dog. I take a deep breath because I've been dealing with storms for 21 years and it still gets to me. Still makes my heart beat faster.
Still, it can be so beautiful. The clouds above our heads swirl together, creating patterns that change as often as I blink. The sky is shades of grey and brown and green and the colors of the grass and the trees and even the asphalt seem to be so much more vivid and real. It gets darker outside and the streetlights come on early, giving the neighborhood an unusual, almost supernatural glow. The wind picks up and the trees sway and bend--a dance of foreboding. I look at the trees and understand that something is coming.
I open the window so that I can hear and smell the storm as well as see it. A gust of wind blows in, rustling the papers on my desk and bringing in the smell of rain about to fall. I shiver in the cool air, thinking about earlier when the sun was shining and I was sweating in the heat. The smell permeates my room, making everything smell fresh and clean. The world smells like it is getting ready to start over. Right now, thunder is rumbling in the distance, loud even over the music I've got playing. My record stops and in the sudden silence I realize that I can hear tornado sirens. It reminds me that even though it may not be storming here quite yet, somewhere out there the storm is showing it's power and possibly gathering strength. I feel a thrill.
I lay back on my bed and close my eyes. My heart is beating and there is a smile on my face as I lay still, hearing the first drops of rain begin to pound on the roof.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Listen. Do You Want to Know a Secret?
40 Secrets about yourself.
Be honest no matter what.
[one] Have you ever been asked out?
Well...not really.
[two] Where was your default picture taken?
At the championship game for the Missouri Valley Conference. Go Shockers!
[three] What's your middle name?
Renae.
[four] Your current relationship status?
Tragically, tragically single.
[five] Does your crush like you back?
I can only hope.
[six] What is your current mood?
Pretty good, actually. Just downloaded some awesome songs, so...
[seven] What color of underwear are you wearing?
Blue and green.
[eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
Violently purple.
[nine] Missing something/someone?
Always. But on my mind right now are Tristan and Kalon.
[ten] If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
I would have given in. Probably.
[eleven] If you must be an animal for one day, what?
Hmmmmm. A tiger. Those are badass.
[twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
Yes, once. When I was a little girl. I choked on a piece of bacon.
[thirteen] Something you do a lot?
Sway. Seriously. I'm never standing still.
[fourteen] The song stuck in your head?
"Make Me Happy" from The Wild Party. But, when do I not have that song stuck in my head?
[fifteen] Who did you copy and paste this from?
Kalon Steinaway.
[sixteen] Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Fiona Apple. Also, Bella Swan. Even the same year. :/
[seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
Um, a couple of weeks ago.
[eighteen] Have you ever performed in front of a large audience?
Yes. I live for it.
[nineteen] If you could have one super power what would it be?
SHAPESHIFTING!!!!! And I don't just want the ability to turn into other things--I also want the ability to change my appearance and, like, grow extra arms and stuff. God, I love when people ask me this question.
[twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Smile or style.
[twenty-one] What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Venti iced green tea lemonade with sweetener.
[twenty-three] Favorite color?
Green. Like, really bright green.
[twenty-four] Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
Ha! Yeah, ask me about Big Time Rush.
[twenty-six] What are you?
That's vague. Human, happy, female, awesome. What else do you need to know?
[twenty-seven] Do you speak any other language?
I'm not fluent or anything, but I'm pretty good at French. And I realized that I know an astonishing amount of Latin. Thanks, choir.
[twenty-eight] What's your favorite smell?
Rain. Play-doh (Don't ask).
[twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word.
Ridicusome.
[thirty-one] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
No. And I never will because some cliches make me gag.
[thirty-two] What are you thinking about right now?
Blueberry pie, strangely enough.
[thirty-three] What should you be doing?
Getting to sleep at a decent hour.
[thirty-four] Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
A customer.
[thirty-five] How often do you talk to God?
Every couple of days or so.
[thirty-six] Do you like working in the yard?
No. I'm not exactly a big fan of Nature.
[thirty-seven] If you could have any name in the world, what would you want?
Molly Roxanne. What? I think it's pretty.
[thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Not really. I'm a little bit funnier.
[thirty-nine] What is your natural hair color?
Who knows any more? Dark blonde?
[forty] Who was the last person to make you cry?
My voice coach. She's tough on me, but I appreciate it.
Be honest no matter what.
[one] Have you ever been asked out?
Well...not really.
[two] Where was your default picture taken?
At the championship game for the Missouri Valley Conference. Go Shockers!
[three] What's your middle name?
Renae.
[four] Your current relationship status?
Tragically, tragically single.
[five] Does your crush like you back?
I can only hope.
[six] What is your current mood?
Pretty good, actually. Just downloaded some awesome songs, so...
[seven] What color of underwear are you wearing?
Blue and green.
[eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
Violently purple.
[nine] Missing something/someone?
Always. But on my mind right now are Tristan and Kalon.
[ten] If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
I would have given in. Probably.
[eleven] If you must be an animal for one day, what?
Hmmmmm. A tiger. Those are badass.
[twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
Yes, once. When I was a little girl. I choked on a piece of bacon.
[thirteen] Something you do a lot?
Sway. Seriously. I'm never standing still.
[fourteen] The song stuck in your head?
"Make Me Happy" from The Wild Party. But, when do I not have that song stuck in my head?
[fifteen] Who did you copy and paste this from?
Kalon Steinaway.
[sixteen] Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Fiona Apple. Also, Bella Swan. Even the same year. :/
[seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
Um, a couple of weeks ago.
[eighteen] Have you ever performed in front of a large audience?
Yes. I live for it.
[nineteen] If you could have one super power what would it be?
SHAPESHIFTING!!!!! And I don't just want the ability to turn into other things--I also want the ability to change my appearance and, like, grow extra arms and stuff. God, I love when people ask me this question.
[twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Smile or style.
[twenty-one] What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Venti iced green tea lemonade with sweetener.
[twenty-three] Favorite color?
Green. Like, really bright green.
[twenty-four] Do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
Ha! Yeah, ask me about Big Time Rush.
[twenty-six] What are you?
That's vague. Human, happy, female, awesome. What else do you need to know?
[twenty-seven] Do you speak any other language?
I'm not fluent or anything, but I'm pretty good at French. And I realized that I know an astonishing amount of Latin. Thanks, choir.
[twenty-eight] What's your favorite smell?
Rain. Play-doh (Don't ask).
[twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word.
Ridicusome.
[thirty-one] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
No. And I never will because some cliches make me gag.
[thirty-two] What are you thinking about right now?
Blueberry pie, strangely enough.
[thirty-three] What should you be doing?
Getting to sleep at a decent hour.
[thirty-four] Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
A customer.
[thirty-five] How often do you talk to God?
Every couple of days or so.
[thirty-six] Do you like working in the yard?
No. I'm not exactly a big fan of Nature.
[thirty-seven] If you could have any name in the world, what would you want?
Molly Roxanne. What? I think it's pretty.
[thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
Not really. I'm a little bit funnier.
[thirty-nine] What is your natural hair color?
Who knows any more? Dark blonde?
[forty] Who was the last person to make you cry?
My voice coach. She's tough on me, but I appreciate it.
Friday, April 9, 2010
The Night is Better When it's Spent With Friends
Take this as proof that I had a good night. I'll explain more later.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
This is Why I'll Never Own a Robot
There are times when I really just hate technology. Why, you ask? Let me tell you about my evening.
It's a well-known fact that I live for music. Seriously, the only time I don't have my mp3 player on me is when I'm in the shower. Even then it's playing over the speakers.
Well, earlier this evening, I decided that I wanted to put some new songs on the stupid thing. Apparently, that was a big mistake. The entire thing froze up! So, I reset my mp3 player and tried it again. The same thing happened! So I tried again. And again. And again.
I've never claimed to be some kind of computer genius, and I'm not going to start now. There may be many solutions to the particular problem I was having, but I only knew of one. The only thing to do was to delete all of my music from my mp3 player. Now, I'm not completely stupid--I had to delete it, but I didn't want to lose any songs. After going through and double-checking that all of the albums were also in my music library on my computer, I hit the button. Delete.
Since I re-formatted my mp3 player, I had to redo all of the settings I had for how it syncs when I hook it up to my computer. That was fun. Then to the best part.
I am all for conserving space in my mp3 player, so I usually don't put a whole album on it. I'll have the whole album in my music library, but not my player. Because I'm a stickler about this--really. I get kinda obsessive--I had to go through each individual song in my library and put it in the sync list.
I finished that part about an hour ago. I clicked that "Start Sync" button and I waited. And waited. And I'm still waiting. As we speak, it's only about 75% complete. I really hope this works because I'd hate to go through all this work for nothing. Also, because if it doesn't, then I'm out of solutions. Except buy a new player. Which just isn't going to (can't) happen.
I hate technology.
If I ever have to do this again, I'm going to throw something.
On an unrelated note: I have on these fake fingernails and damn, it's hard to type.
It's a well-known fact that I live for music. Seriously, the only time I don't have my mp3 player on me is when I'm in the shower. Even then it's playing over the speakers.
Well, earlier this evening, I decided that I wanted to put some new songs on the stupid thing. Apparently, that was a big mistake. The entire thing froze up! So, I reset my mp3 player and tried it again. The same thing happened! So I tried again. And again. And again.
I've never claimed to be some kind of computer genius, and I'm not going to start now. There may be many solutions to the particular problem I was having, but I only knew of one. The only thing to do was to delete all of my music from my mp3 player. Now, I'm not completely stupid--I had to delete it, but I didn't want to lose any songs. After going through and double-checking that all of the albums were also in my music library on my computer, I hit the button. Delete.
Since I re-formatted my mp3 player, I had to redo all of the settings I had for how it syncs when I hook it up to my computer. That was fun. Then to the best part.
I am all for conserving space in my mp3 player, so I usually don't put a whole album on it. I'll have the whole album in my music library, but not my player. Because I'm a stickler about this--really. I get kinda obsessive--I had to go through each individual song in my library and put it in the sync list.
I finished that part about an hour ago. I clicked that "Start Sync" button and I waited. And waited. And I'm still waiting. As we speak, it's only about 75% complete. I really hope this works because I'd hate to go through all this work for nothing. Also, because if it doesn't, then I'm out of solutions. Except buy a new player. Which just isn't going to (can't) happen.
I hate technology.
If I ever have to do this again, I'm going to throw something.
On an unrelated note: I have on these fake fingernails and damn, it's hard to type.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Dream a Little Dream
So, I might have had a certain dream the other night. One of those dreams where you can't be positive of what happened, but can vaguely remember parts of it.
What I do remember is me hooking up with my acting professor. Now, that's weird enough. What makes it really strange is that he wasn't really my professor. He was more like a mix of every teacher I've ever had a crush on. Crushes that go back to middle school. Seriously, the man in my dream had every attribute that I found attractive in each man. He was a conglomeration of their best features. T's sensitivity, V's sense of humor, S's douchebaggy charm, and J's looks.
Instead of being really creeped out, I realized it was a really great dream. Call it daddy issues or whatever, but I've always kind of had a thing for men that are in a position of authority--particularly a position of authority over me. It makes me feel, I don't know...safe.
There's nothing wrong with feeling safe, is there?
However, there is something wrong with how awkward I made my acting class this morning. Whoops!
Also, I forgot my phone at home this morning for the umpteenth time. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me that I'm avoiding my responsibilities. Which could very well be true.
Note to self: stop listening to subconscious and stop being so forgetful.
What I do remember is me hooking up with my acting professor. Now, that's weird enough. What makes it really strange is that he wasn't really my professor. He was more like a mix of every teacher I've ever had a crush on. Crushes that go back to middle school. Seriously, the man in my dream had every attribute that I found attractive in each man. He was a conglomeration of their best features. T's sensitivity, V's sense of humor, S's douchebaggy charm, and J's looks.
Instead of being really creeped out, I realized it was a really great dream. Call it daddy issues or whatever, but I've always kind of had a thing for men that are in a position of authority--particularly a position of authority over me. It makes me feel, I don't know...safe.
There's nothing wrong with feeling safe, is there?
However, there is something wrong with how awkward I made my acting class this morning. Whoops!
Also, I forgot my phone at home this morning for the umpteenth time. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me that I'm avoiding my responsibilities. Which could very well be true.
Note to self: stop listening to subconscious and stop being so forgetful.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
There's Not a Better Time to Do Nothing Than Now
So, I've been on this really intense Kings of Leon kick lately. Does anybody else do that? Own a cd for a while, but not really listen to it? Then you finally listen to it and BAM! it's life changing? I love when that happens.
Spent yesterday evening with Kayla. We had a great time, watching VH1 and Demetri Martin. Also, we watched the Princess and the Frog. God, I've missed Disney. Like, classic Disney. It really kind of took me back to my childhood. It was a nice little trip down memory lane.
This morning, I decided to skip the work day for Urinetown. I woke up with a migraine, and I just didn't think I could handle it. I felt a little guilty, but I had a nice relaxing day instead. I slept in and got some grocery shopping down. I'm thinking about working on some of my homework, but it's so nice out, and I'm having such a good time doing nothing...
Today has been a really good day.
Spent yesterday evening with Kayla. We had a great time, watching VH1 and Demetri Martin. Also, we watched the Princess and the Frog. God, I've missed Disney. Like, classic Disney. It really kind of took me back to my childhood. It was a nice little trip down memory lane.
This morning, I decided to skip the work day for Urinetown. I woke up with a migraine, and I just didn't think I could handle it. I felt a little guilty, but I had a nice relaxing day instead. I slept in and got some grocery shopping down. I'm thinking about working on some of my homework, but it's so nice out, and I'm having such a good time doing nothing...
Today has been a really good day.
Friday, April 2, 2010
This is the First Time for the Last Time
I realized today that I'm a happier, more organized person when I can keep track of my thoughts and what is going on in my life. I used to write in a blog pretty consistently when I first found Myspace, but I haven't even seen it since I graduated from high school. Time to try again.
There something dreadful about being a junior. I'm not sure what it is, exactly. It could be a mixture of the feelings of fear and excitement from being thisclose to graduating. It could be the feeling of independence given to you by the professors undermined by their distrust in you. Or it could be that I'm just ready to be done, but I know I still have a year left. Let's be honest, it's probably that last one.
It's just been a weird year. First of all, I've never been so simultaneously proud and ashamed of my talent. My singing has improved so much, but will I ever actually be good enough? For my professors, for my directors, for my family, for myself? Does it ever get easier to believe in yourself?
I wish I was as good a singer as I am an actor. I just feel so much more comfortable acting than singing. Especially when I'm doing comedy. I'm not sure why, but it just comes easy to me. And I love it. So fucking much. There's a reason why my favorite days of the week coincide with my improv acting class. When I'm there, I'm not worried about what my fellow actors think of me, but when I'm singing in front of my peers... Well, I freeze.
That's the thing: I know I'm not a bad singer. It's just that I can't get out of my own head when I'm up in front of the class. Instead of thinking about what I'm saying, I'm worrying about how I sound. It's so much easier to sing when I'm in the middle of a scene. When I'm doing that (when I'm distracted by my scene partner), it's more like the song is an emphasis on the acting and not the other way around.
But I guess being a performer isn't meant to be easy, is it?
Okay, now that I've got that off my chest, I feel a billion times better.
I promise, not every blog is going to be me agonizing over whether I've got what it takes or not. That's just been eating at me for a while, and it finally made it's way to the surface.
Here, have a present to cheer you up after reading that.
theoatmeal.com
This is my new favorite. Hilarious!
There something dreadful about being a junior. I'm not sure what it is, exactly. It could be a mixture of the feelings of fear and excitement from being thisclose to graduating. It could be the feeling of independence given to you by the professors undermined by their distrust in you. Or it could be that I'm just ready to be done, but I know I still have a year left. Let's be honest, it's probably that last one.
It's just been a weird year. First of all, I've never been so simultaneously proud and ashamed of my talent. My singing has improved so much, but will I ever actually be good enough? For my professors, for my directors, for my family, for myself? Does it ever get easier to believe in yourself?
I wish I was as good a singer as I am an actor. I just feel so much more comfortable acting than singing. Especially when I'm doing comedy. I'm not sure why, but it just comes easy to me. And I love it. So fucking much. There's a reason why my favorite days of the week coincide with my improv acting class. When I'm there, I'm not worried about what my fellow actors think of me, but when I'm singing in front of my peers... Well, I freeze.
That's the thing: I know I'm not a bad singer. It's just that I can't get out of my own head when I'm up in front of the class. Instead of thinking about what I'm saying, I'm worrying about how I sound. It's so much easier to sing when I'm in the middle of a scene. When I'm doing that (when I'm distracted by my scene partner), it's more like the song is an emphasis on the acting and not the other way around.
But I guess being a performer isn't meant to be easy, is it?
Okay, now that I've got that off my chest, I feel a billion times better.
I promise, not every blog is going to be me agonizing over whether I've got what it takes or not. That's just been eating at me for a while, and it finally made it's way to the surface.
Here, have a present to cheer you up after reading that.
theoatmeal.com
This is my new favorite. Hilarious!
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